Going to church can be scary. In theory, it is supposed to one of the most welcoming places where people are open, accepting, and full of love. In reality, the church is filled with humans just like you and I who, while they may have good intentions, can be shy or clique-y or afraid to approach new people themselves.
And when you attend a church service for the first time it can be wildly uncomfortable. You don't know anyone, you may be just learning about Christianity, and you know none of the words to all of the songs they sing. And it is the WORST when you don't know the words to the songs! I have tried many different methods to make this less awkward such as not singing at all, attempting to mouth the words without making any actual sounds, and, my personal favorite, "accidentally" running just late enough to miss out on the singing...woops. Don't worry, you'll catch on to the songs within a few weeks. Moral of the story is that when you first start going to church, whether it be for the first time ever or even if you have considered yourself a Christian for a while and want to take the next step, it takes a while to get settled in, meet some people, and to really feel connected.
Side note: For all of you who are new to faith, this blog is very much geared towards you and my hope is that it can become a resource for you in this new section of your life! I, myself, was new to church not too long ago and was
Going through this process, I have discovered a few steps that have helped me to settle in, meet tons of people, and keep my new-found faith at the front of my mind. Now I don't even "accidentally" run late to church anymore! ;) Here are 8 things I think are infinitely helpful to do when you are new to church:
1. Join a small group/ bible study
If you have read my article on why you should join a small group you know my feelings towards this already. (You can read it here) I think this may be the single most important thing you can do when joining a new church and I have met some of my very best friends here in Chicago through my small group!
2. Sign up for volunteer opportunities with your church
This is also a great way to meet new people within your church community while giving back. Very early on after moving here I volunteered to help paint a mural in the Pilsen neighborhood. Not only did I get to meet a bunch of people but I also got to make a lasting mark on Chicago and got a pretty sweet free t-shirt. And who doesn't love a free t-shirt?
3. Sit next to a stranger and introduce yourself
Oh boy, this one can be an awkward one, I know. For about three weeks when I first moved to Chicago I was the creeper in church that preyed on unsuspecting church-goers hoping to find a friend. This was extremely out of my comfort zone but ultimately I was very glad I did it and I met some wonderful people that way. My trick was to come in when most people were already seated and find another girl around my age who was sitting by herself. Every time I did it the girl ended up being in the exact same situation as me and was so happy that I “made the first move”. One time I even ended up going out to brunch with two girls who I sat next to. Don’t forget to exchange numbers so you have someone to sit with the next week! And yes, it does feel like you are awkwardly hitting on people... suck it up and do it anyway!
4. Serve at church (usher, greeter, children’s ministry)
I think that this is the fastest way to learn peoples faces and names around church. I am terrible with both faces and names unfortunately so this is an area where I will take as much help as I can get. In order to convince people that I am not the rudest person they've ever met because I can't remember their name after meeting them three weeks in a row, I am serving along with a friend in the coffee shop inside or our church starting this week. I'm hoping that the constant interaction with people will help me to get to know people on a deeper level instead of just getting introduced to them briefly after service. I’ll keep you updated how it goes!
5. Read, read, read!
Read your bible- that's what it exists for. In the beginning it may be confusing, hard to read, or just seem like a chore but I promise it is FULL of wisdom, interesting stories, and comforting verses. Give it a chance. And if you can get your hands on a study bible I would suggest doing that- so helpful. Most of us aren't theologians or experts in history at the time of Jesus so the study bible really helps to explain what the heck is going on. There is a lot more I can say about this and an article about how to read the bible will be coming soon(ish) I promise. This done in conjunction with a small group is the best way to expand your knowledge and grow in your faith if you are a beginner!
6. Quiet/prayer time
I love quiet/prayer time. I've tried to make a habit of doing it first thing in the morning- it's a great way to start your day in a positive and loving mindset. I really think that this small act can change your outlook on the entire day! Many people find praying intimidating when first starting out. What am I supposed to say? Do I have to use certain words? etc. Don't stress- just do your thing. I can't imagine God is sitting up there being the grammar police or judging you for not using at least 10 GRE words per prayer - he's just happy you are talking to him! I also promise to write an article on "how" to pray in the near future. Not that there is a right way and a wrong way but it will answer a lot of the questions that I have had about prayer!
7. Find a mentor
Maybe you had a professor mentor you in college or perhaps you were assigned a mentor when you began your job - now its time for a spiritual mentor! Be on the lookout for someone who has "been there, done that" and can now help to guide you through life. Preferably someone older and wiser who you can connect with on a personal level. If you are single or dating, consider someone who is newly married, if you are in medical school, law school, or graduate school, consider someone who had graduated from an advanced degree program and is now in the workforce, basically just find someone who has shared similar experiences with you in their past. P.S.- I currently don't have a mentor and am on the lookout for one so if anyone has any ideas....
8. Say yes!
If someone you’ve met or have made friends with at church invites you to do something, say yes! Again, this may be a bit uncomfortable at first but its worth it. Recently I attended a party where I knew two people out of the 200 or so. I only said yes because someone from church had invited me and I will be honest, I was kind of dreading the idea of going. Once I was there, however, I met so many people and ended up having a pretty great time.
Another side note: Say yes does not apply to all situations. Remember kids, if someone asks you to get in their car after offering you candy, asks you to help them find their "lost dog", or offers you drugs...JUST SAY NO!
Hopefully you got something out of this article other than the fact that I like free t-shirts, have once skipped part of the church service so I didn't have to sing, and I can't remember peoples names for the life of me. Those were all just supporting stories to get at the real point and should be forgotten immediately.
In all seriousness I really do hope this article gave you some new ideas and helps you to find that community that we all crave. If you feel uncomfortable or like an outsider at your church during the first few months of attending just remember- every single person in that church has been in your shoes before. Everyone has to start somewhere and before you know it you will settle in and feel a part of the church's community.
How did you feel when attending church for the first time or adjust when moving to a new church? Share your story in the comments below!
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