Have you noticed that girls tend to have a love/hate relationship with other girls? For example, you love your close friends but hate that other group of girls who are just SO obnoxious. Even if your close friends also partake in this “obnoxious” behavior, whatever that may be, its okay because its “different” when your friends do it, or “funny” when they do it, or you just flat out choose to love them anyway.
Or have you ever disliked a girl for no reason? Or because they just rubbed you the wrong way? Or because they are “perfect”? Or because they are involved in EVERYTHING? Or because they are ahead of you in sales at work?
Yeah, unfortunately I have too.
This toxic behavior of girls hating girls is way too common and has to be brought to a stop. (I know, novel idea, right?) It’s everywhere: in the workplace, at school, between “rival” sororities. Imagine how much easier life would be if girls all just got along.
Yeah, yeah, I know I sound like the girl from Mean Girls:
“I wish we could get along like we all used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake out of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy”
Except for yeah right, since when did girls get along in middle school? But I digress...
Next time you catch yourself having not-so-positive thoughts about another girl stop and ask yourself why. Really dig deep and get to the root of it. I guarantee that almost every time it will boil down to jealousy or envy- I know for me it did.
I had a big problem with this. It wasn’t that I outright hated anyone or even disliked anyone. In fact, I felt like I could give myself a big pat on the back for getting along really well with all girls. I think because it wasn’t so blatantly obvious it took me so long to recognize I even had a problem. My issue was that I just found it incredibly hard to be happy for other girls.
If a girl I knew won an award or got into an awesome grad school or had some kind of major accomplishment my first thought was: Ugh. I would then try and make up reasons in my head why she wasn’t better than me such as “she probably has no personal/social life” or “her personality is not that stellar”.
Just writing that down on my computer makes me nauseous. Trust me, I am embarrassed to be admitting this out loud- let alone to the entire internet. But that's what this blog is about- being open and vulnerable with my mistakes in hopes that someone, somewhere might learn a thing or two from them.
Anyways, why did I feel like everything was a competition?
Why was I constantly comparing myself to every other girl around me?
Then I realized- the problem lies within me and my own sense of self and security in who I am. And until I stop constantly comparing myself to everyone else this feeling and nasty attitude will continue to linger. And who wants that?
You have incredible talents that are unique to you. I don’t even know who you are but I feel 100% confident saying that. You know why? Because everyone has them. Everyone has things that they are great at and things that they are not so great at.
For me, I know I am good at:
Fitting into small spaces, planning events, having a desire for knowledge, developing leadership abilities in others, whistling, being supportive and empathetic, building forts out of sheets, and eating my body weight in breakfast foods.
However, I also know that I am not so good at:
Singing, having flawless skin, being assertive, tasting the difference between ANY wine, remembering to respond to texts, putting my clean clothes away, being a 5’ 11’’ supermodel, and having any type of confrontation at all.
If I were to, for example, compare my humanitarian efforts in life thus far to 17 year old Nobel Peace Prize winner, Malala Yousafzai, I would feel as though I would come up short (only minorly, of course). Or if I compared my ability to simultaneously look effortlessly glamourous while fighting international injustice to Amal Alamuddin (aka George Clooney’s wife), I would, once again, not be feeling super-confident in my abilities.
But, as Albert Einstein so eloquently put it: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
So true, Albert.
So lets stop comparing ourselves to other women. Lets stop being jealous and envious of the success of our friends. Lets stop making judgements about women we don’t even know!
EVERYONE has great, positive qualities. EVERYONE can teach you something. EVERYONE can make you a better person.
Instead, lets make it a point to learn something from everyone we come in contact with. Lets encourage one another and lift each other up. Lets celebrate the success of other women and be genuinely happy for them. After all, you shouldn’t have to dim the light of others to shine. (Corny, I know, but it got the point across)
I leave you with a quote that I’m sure you have heard a million times but could not be more true in every aspect of life.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” -Theodore Roosevelt
Think about it as you go through your week and whenever you start to feel that familiar twinge of jealousy, repeat it to yourself- see the difference that just changing your attitude will have on your relationships with not only your friends but with all women. I have a feeling there are some women out there who you could be close friends with if you just game them a chance.
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